Tuesday, January 1, 2008

blank

i have a canvas that has been sitting in my house for months now. it has a faint pencil image, but other than that it is blank. it has yet to see the stroke of a paintbrush; the strokes it was meant for, designed for. right now, this painting exists in my mind's eye, and it is beautiful and meaningful. it is inspired and creative. it is a part of me. right now, it is perfect. why, then, am i so apprehensive about finishing the piece? maybe, because once it's "out there" it won't live up to the art in my imagination. maybe, because someone will attach critical words to something, that in my mind is a beautiful piece of who i am, and in that moment i will be the one who is criticized. the bigger question is how many areas of my life remain blank and unpainted because i am afraid they will not live up to some ideal expectation, or i am afraid i may be criticized?

i want to paint life with many strokes and many colors, but what is it that stops me from doing so? i am on a journey to start living life with an easel in front of me and paintbrush in hand.

3 comments:

Mark Malin said...

You are a gifted writer little Sarah...you need to do more...write a best selling book and make us all rich!

Chris said...

I believe "unmet expectations", both internal and external are able to leave us in a state of paralysis.

However, internal expectations are often the most unreasonable and the most likely to weaken our ability to defend ourselves from external expectations.

"Self criticism" is so subtle and undetectable. We often confuse it with our conscience and maybe even the Holy Spirit.

Next thing we know, we are damaged beyond a point that we can't repair ourselves.

If we don't convince ourselves first that our own expectations are excessive and dangerous, we open the door for the criticism of others.

Barbie said...

Wow Sarah! This really is good writing! I enjoyed reading it